Proofread your resume

Here are some things to keep in mind when applying for a job.
Note: while applying for a job is not a trivial matter, all the things I'm about to cover are pretty trivial. I'm going to assume the non-trivial is adequately covered elsewhere.

• Submit your application to the correct person. If, just as a random example, the job description says "email cover letter and resume to ____", follow that instruction. Don't email your cover letter and resume to (A) the current holder of the job you are applying for (B) the person listed as the agency contact on the listing or (C) all of the above. Because then you look like you can't follow a simple instruction. If you can't read a damn job description and do what it says, than probably you're not a good candidate for the job.
• Did we ask for a writing sample? No? Ok, then don't send one. Maybe we will later. Right now? Nope.
• Oh, we asked for a writing sample? Then why didn't you send one?
  
• How long is your resume? Really? You think that requires two and a half pages? REALLY? No one's looking past page 1 buddy. Seriously.
• No, I mean that. I know a lot of people say a 2 page resume is ok, but seriously? I can't be bothered. Unless you are HOT SHIT. A resume is not a CV.
• Ok, fine, if it must be two pages, at least make it fit neatly. 1 page plus a couple inches on the back just looks like bad formatting. I guarantee I could make it fit. If you're going to have the chutzpah to go two pages, then you'd damn well better have enough interesting things to say to fill both pages.
• THREE PAGES? REALLY? Man, you've had way too many jobs. Do you have a problem with authority? Are you going to quit after six months?
  
• That typo? Right there? That anyone proofreading for you could see? That just cost you an interview. Because you don't care enough to check. There's a recession, you may have heard, there are a million applicants for every job. Your typo? Matters.
• I know what a barista does. You don't need to explain it. If you need to make it sound relevant, do that--briefly--in your cover letter.
• Oh, and your cover letter? It needs to be specific to this job you're applying for. Not generic and bland. Explain your experience, tell a story, etc.
  
• Oh, and, also...do that in one short letter.
  
• If you have to email your resume, and you are using anything other than the most basic fonts, convert the thing to a PDF. Heck, even if your fonts are basic. There are a million free programs that you can download from the internet to turn documents into PDFs.
  
• Not to be harsh, but if you can't figure that last point out, or ask someone to help, then you're probably not the best candidate for an office job.
  
• If the job description emphasizes written and verbal communication skills, there really can't be any grammatical errors in the cover letter. Especially in the part where you say you are a good communicator.

Lest you think this is all related to the fact that I'm leaving my job, it's actually mostly not. I'm not on that search committee, thank goodness. No, I just do a lot of alumni volunteering and look at a lot of application materials in several volunteer capacities. It is amazing how often really smart people screw up the easiest shit.