Diet Coke v. Diet Pepsi

Diet Coke is a wonderful nectar of the gods without which I would be an under-caffeinated zombie. Diet Pepsi is a sickly sweet gross beverage that I will drink only under duress, out of politeness, or because it's all the vending machine in my office building carries.

They are not the same and if you give me a Diet Pepsi when I've asked for a Diet Coke I will know. Even if the can is not visible. Trust me. Now, if I'm a guest in your house, I will be perfectly polite and delightedly grateful for the drink, and I will nurse it for a while (as opposed to if I get a real Diet Coke, which I will consume in approximately 2 seconds). If, however, you are a waitress, bartender, or flight attendant I will (politely) inform you that Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi are not the same product, and request a glass of soda water with lemon instead. If you look at me like I am a crazy person, I will subject you to a lengthy rant about the taste differences. Do you want that? Really? I doubt it.

I know which airlines serve which beverage, and I have been known to make ticket purchase decisions based on beverage options (I mean, all other things being equal). Dunkin Donuts may be the only drive-through joint with vegetarian food options, but it serves Diet Pepsi, so I won't go unless I have a strong hankering for microwaved eggs.

You think this sounds crazy? That's fine. I think your argument that ____ is different from ____ is crazy, but I understand the way things work and I won't fight you about it. So let me have my strong preference and just know...they're not the same product.

Pet Store Names

I have a cat with picky tastes. Her picky tastes require that I shop at bougie pet stores, as if I buy the wrong kitty litter...let's just say no one wants that. PetCo and Pets Mart don't carry the right kind.

This is fine, I like supporting small, local businesses. The pet store closest to my office is named after the owner's pets, Sam and Willy. Perfectly acceptable. But let's examine some of the other local pet boutiques:

Barker and Meowsky

Wiggleyville

Urbanimal

For Dog's Sake

Ruff Haus

Doggy Style

Tails in the City

Spotland Yard

The Houndry

Gourmutts

The Barking Lot

I'm not making any of this up. All these stores are in Chicago, and these are just the ones I can remember.

I have no beef with the quality of the stores (in fact, I've only been to two of them), it's just the names. Is there some rule that all pet owners are supposed to love cutesy puns? All of these names basically demand that one talk in baby talk. Or point out the "cleverness" of the names.

Many of these names also imply some sort of escapist alternate reality. For example, I bet the traffic in Wiggleyville is much friendlier (and more sober) than the traffic in actual Wrigleyville. Can't you just picture the law firm of Barker and Meowsky? My cat is the grumpy old human resources manager dictating who gets to sit on the radiator and who is relegated to the chair. Spotland Yard? "which liddle puppy made a mess? ooh, da cute liddle puddy tat. I tot I taw a puddy tat!"

This is exactly the type of thing that makes non-pet owners think pet owners are all nuts.

In which I whine about travel

I know, it's very cliched. Feel free to ignore all of this.

Here are some trivial matters related to airplane travel on which I have very strong opinions.

• Designing airports with tile floors (the kind with small gaps between each tile--I'm sure there's a name, I don't know it) is ludicrous. Almost everyone is rolling a bag--thump, ka-thump, thump, ka-thump... The noise is infuriating and makes an already stressful situation worse.
• You don't need to put your carry-on bag into a bucket. Those are for loose items, outerwear, and laptops. If you put your bag in it for no reason, the TSA agent will reprimand you, delaying everyone behind you. Also read the very clear sign: your laptop has to be in its own bin. Or they'll make you do it again. AND NO ONE WANTS THAT.
• Seriously, if you haven't traveled recently, look up the rules in advance. Everyone will be grateful.
• You know how they tell you not to put your coat above the seat until everyone's bag is up there? Yeah, don't be an asshole.

There are other things, of course, but figured I'd let you add your own in the comments....

Disirregardless...

...is NOT a word.

Yes, it has been a long time

Things I plan to blog about in the near future:
*People who start blogs and then don't update them consistently. I hate that!
Note: the irony is intended
*Airport design. Specifically, noise enhancing tiles.
*People who put their carry-on bags in bins on the scanner at airports
*People who are generally obnoxious while traveling (but I'll try not to be cliched about this).
*People who insist that Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi are "the same".
*Using lolspeak in everyday language. No, you can not haz dat.
*Pet store names.
*People who join conversations with strangers / offer unsolicited advice.

I'm sure I'll come up with more, but for the moment that should suffice.

Coffee Shop Etiquette

Now, this post is only necessary because of my tiny apartment which I find uninspiring, and my spotty wireless, which is the worst.

But serisously, we've all gone to the coffee shop to work. And in this day and age, we bring headphone, plug in and try to zone in on our work.

This is difficult when the person next to you is yelling her computer passwords to her friend on her cell phone. I can hear her through the new Britney Spears album, which is actually the definition of being too loud.

So, if you go to the coffee shop, take your calls outside, or, just speak more softly.

Lunatic Spellings

I was just watching some bad TV, which is fine. But as the cast for the show was flashing up on the screen over some pithy dialogue...the name Geoffri caught my eye.

Now seriously.

These creative spellings (i instead of y), these gender-bending ego-names (like the new senator from IL naming his son and daughter after him, lame)...

All I can say is sigh. Sigh, Geoffri with an i. Sigh and a half.