Don't talk to me. Just...Don't.

I know I'm somewhat of an oddball, but here goes. Salespeople? Don't give me unsolicited advice. Say hi when I enter, fine. If you have to ask me if I need anything, fine. But when I say "no thanks", DON'T CONTINUE TO TALK TO ME.

Yes, I'm looking at you, perky trixies at the Benefit store. I mean, really? I'm looking for my favorite lipstick, I really don't want you to give me a coupon for eyebrow tinting. Nor do I want you to ask me if I've tried your new cheek glow (really? Do I look like someone who wears cheek glow? I'm barely competent with lipstick. If I look like someone who could use cheek glow, it's kind of insulting for you to say so unprompted. If you have to push product, feel free to offer me samples when I'm paying. Heck if you have to tell me about some sweet deal, I guess that's ok. I'll be annoyed, but I'll understand. But the rest of it drives me batty).

This happens everywhere these days. Retail folks are just a little more desperate and with that desperation comes this super excessive enthusiasm and desire to help that makes me want to scream. If I'm at the Gap, which I probably am, and I'm the only customer...well, pretty much the only way I'm leaving without buying anything is if the salesperson offers advice. Seriously? If I want your help I'll ask. I know how stores work. These days staff outnumber customers basically everywhere. It's super depressing, and I'm sorry, and it sucks, but still...don't talk to me.

Lately any time I try to shop in an actual store (as opposed to on the internet, as I am often tempted) I basically find myself either leaving the store or saying point blank "please just leave me alone. If I need help I'll tell you"...and then I feel awful, and like I have to apologize because after all she was just doing her job.

I'm considering making a t-shirt to wear whenever I'm running errands or shopping. It'll have some sort of really clear, and yet still polite, slogan. For example "Thanks for the offer to help but I'm much more likely to spend money if you leave me alone." That's a little long, I realize, I'm still working on the wording.