An Addendum

Way back in May I blogged about common problems with resumes and job descriptions.

I have hesitated to add anything to that post lest anyone think I am referring specifically to his or her resume that I recently reviewed.

So in the interest of not hurting feelings: if you're reading this blog, and know who I am, then probably I'm not talking about your application materials. Between actual applicants for jobs where I work and alumni volunteering I've looked at about 400 applications in the last month.

Again, this is mostly focused (per the theme of the blog) on the trivial.

Without further ado, some strong feelings.

• If you are applying for an entry-level job and your resume is more than 1 page long, you are either overqualified or incapable of appropriate presentation.
• I'm probably not going to read any paragraph in your cover letter that is more than 3-4 sentences.
• Really? You've never met me and the cover letter is addressed "Dear Heidi"...really?
  
• If you list "detail-oriented" as a skill, then a single typo will be enough to disqualify you. I'm not kidding.
• If you have a ridiculous email address, I will judge. So will Dixie.
  

Forbidden Newspeak

I am fully in support of this list of banned phrases.

(I'm perhaps not completely in favor of the enforcement methods, or the practical realities of this list, but were it phrased more as a helpful guideline I'd be in complete support).

For a hilarious look at these words and phrases, a different WBEZ /NPR page has that covered.

Research!

If you are trying to impress me by demonstrating how much you've learned about my theater in preparation for your interview, please do try to get the name of the play we're currently producing correct. You didn't have to bring it up, I didn't spring it on you as a quiz. You brought it up on your own and now you look like an idiot. No one wants that.

I can hear you!

When you talk about me, and my ass, even with my headphones in...I can hear you!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Work texts

Jenny Maroney said "work sext" the other night on 30 Rock, so funny.

But actually, I like texting for work, it is much less weird than I thought.

What do you think? Work Text, yea or nay?



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Airport chairs

I bet I have already blogged about this, but it bear repeating. Making it impossible for humans to lie down in an airport waiting area is terrible. Really terrible. I flew overnight on purpose for a work thing, and it became painfully clear that I, like a horse, would have to sleep upright. Boo, I say!

Now, I know there are a ton of valid reasons why this is designed in the way that it is (homeless people? Space sharing? The blight caused by people lying down?) but it I'd argue that is is truly meanspirired.

Blogged from my blog phone!

Department of Obvious

This almost doesn't need to be stated, but:

The "holiday season" may start with Thanksgiving, but Christmas decorations (and decorations that purport to be all inclusive winter-holiday themed but are effectively Christmas decorations, and any other specific-winter-holiday-that-isn't-Christmas decorations) really should not go up before Thanksgiving. Ditto Christmas carols. The non-stop prevalence during Advent should really be enough, let's not push it before December, m'kay? Thanks, all retailers.

Stocking Stuffers

Stocking stuffers should, for starters, fit in a Christmas stocking. So please, all stores ever, if you're going to advertise something as a stocking stuffer it should be size-appropriate, in addition to cute or funny or, frankly, utterly useless. This is not to imply that all stocking stuffers are useless, my Christmas stocking often includes quite useful things like silicone measuring spoons, or socks. Some people I know get amazing jewelry in the toe of their Christmas stockings. But you know what no one wants in an actual stocking? A Hummingbird Feeder with Ant Moat. Too big. If you want that as a present, I don't judge (well, a little. There are much more attractive options), but it is a gift. You know, for under the tree.

Let's take some examples from Amazon (searching in the stocking stuffer category). Flinger flying animal puppet = stocking stuffer. 10" Atomic Clock = present.

This isn't about price or tradition. It's about grammar / logic. If the purpose is to be stuffed in a stocking, then it should at the very least fit inside a Christmas stocking when boxed and wrapped.

Out of the Office

When you are out of the office, I am happy for you to tell me. It is so helpful.

However, not changing your email responder and/or voice mail message back when you come back makes me bonkers! In a bad way! As if you are so busy that six days after your supposed return to the office, you haven't noticed that your auto-responder is still going strong. It makes you seem crazy/disorganized to the max.

Mean Election Monitors

I went to a new polling place last night in Brooklyn. I had registered to vote over Labor Day Weekend at the Caribbean Day Parade I went to with some friends and ate curried goat.

Anyway, I registered, but they never sent me a card, but I was listed online, AND Mike Bloomberg sent me his campaign fliers every other day. I wanted to vote!

But then, last night after work, I went to vote, and I was not on the rolls! What?! Shocking. But what was most shocking was the treatment I received by the poll workers. Both the Democrat and Republican Monitors were so rude, and told me that since I was not on the rolls ("I check, and I'm good at my job!"), I could not vote. Then they told me I could fill out a paper ballot and asked me to wait while they helped other people. Then they told me they couldn't let me vote. So, I went to talk to the Information Lady, who told me that I could vote, as long as I have ID or a bill with my name and address on it.

So, I went home to get a pay stub, and I decided to call the Registrar of Voters to double check my registration. It turns out that everything they told was lies. Except the tiny window when they told me that I could vote without ID. Because a paper ballot is an affidavit!

Anyway, I went back and voted, though the mean ladies told me that I was crazy, since I left when they had clearly told me that I could vote on a paper ballot. Sigh, ladies, sigh. Then they were weird and said mean things about turnout, my remembering to seal my ballot, and both Information Lady and Registrar of Voters lady. It was Crazy Pants!

Moral of the story: don;t let the people get you down, and always vote, even on off years. Mainly because it helps me to know that there is a "Rent is Too High" Party in New York City.

Peace!

Silly email addresses

I agree with Heidi on stupid email signatures. And I am going to take it one step further - you are a grownup, get a real email address. If you use your personal email for anything remotely professional, maybe don't have it be someweirdreferencethatnoonegets@yourmom.net. Try: your.name@yourmom.net. Or some variation thereof. Seriously, it is an address that people should remember. If I see goofygal@aol.com on top of your resume - I won't hire you.

I know this is controversial. I probably still like you and think that you are smart if you have a wacky email address. I just think that you should change it.

Over Promotion

This is a little Chicago specific, but if I hear one more time that there are only ____ days until we know about the 2016 Olympics, I may...actually, I can't make any threats, because I will surely hear it multiple times every day this week. Until Friday, when this whole thing will be resolved one way or the other.

If this is what it's like leading up to the announcement, it's going to be intolerable for the next 7 years. I know I'll have a lot of strong feelings along the way.

Appropriate email signatures

If you have a job in an office, and that job involves emailing people you don't know, ever, then your email signature should have the following information only: your name, title, relevant appropriate contact information, company-required/sanctioned branding as relevant, and any legal disclaimers required. That's it.

No, for real, that's it.

If there's a quote, it should be related to your company--like, for example, a positive statement from an article (which of course falls under branding as indicated above).

You know what is unacceptable under any circumstance? ANYTHING ELSE. You can put whatever you please at the end of your personal emails to your friends. Fine. I'll judge, but if we're friends presumably I'll either find it funny/apt or forgive you the inanity because of your shining personality.

I don't want a work email to advise me that the shortest distance between two people is actually a smile, or to include a pun on minds and matter, or anything else in that vein. It's not just that I'm a super judgy person, it's also that email doesn't convey tone or intent and you never know how someone you don't know is going to react to your pithy quote. Including, of course, that judgy a-holes like me will make some potentially inaccurate assumptions about you.

Summer Weather

Yeah, it's summer. I get it.

But honestly, I don't own an air conditioner. I hate air conditioners. I am afraid that if I did have one it would fall out the window and kill someone. I know I am in the minority on this, but I will not pay those electricity bills.

But it had been so hot lately. I had to move last weekend in 90-degree heat, which is not awesome, contrary to what you might think.

So, I have devised the following heat beating practices:
1. No pants; skirts and dresses only
2. At least 2 showers a day (sorry, Heidi/nature!)
3. two fans pointed directly at me while I sleep
4. constant hydration, to the point of insanity
5. 1/2 pitcher of pomegranate-green tea iced tea daily
6. mineral makeup--it doesn't melt off my face
7. getting a job in an air conditioned office building
8. no blankets at all
9. wet washcloth, cooled in the freezer, on my forehead as I go to sleep
10. moving out of Manhattan
11. devising a few commutes to work that optimize the likelihood of being in an air conditioned train car; similarly, transferring trains only in cooler stations (Hoyt-Schemerhorn as opposed to Jay Street-Borough Hall, for example)
12. lights off as much as possible
13. looking at my huge collection of hats and scarves every day to remind myself that this too shall pass!

Tell me your heat-beating tips! I need to know!

Victory!

"Paulus also changed the spelling of the company name, changing the "Theatre" in A.R.T. to "Theater.""

Baby Jewelery

I was on the train yesterday, and saw a little boy wearing a couple of bracelets, one of which was made of small beads that would be sure easy to choke on accidentally if he were to chew on it constantly, which he was.

It reminded me of how much I dislike babies with pierced ears. I just don't care for it. For some reason, it reminds me of Baby Beauty Pageant contestants, JonBennet Ramsey and other creepy stuff like that.

I got my ears pierced when I was probably five or six. By that time I had hair and a head big enough not to be overwhelmed by the small blue stone studs I wore for the 500 years subsequent. My pediatrician still thought I was too young, but my mom was such a hippie, you guys!

Anyway, gross. Say No to baby pierced ears!

Other "gym" etiquette

So, I go to this insane yoga, but other people go to the gym, where the following situations may occur, much to my chagrin, in the locker room:

Women who text naked
Women who talk on the phone naked
Women who text and/or talk on the phone topless
Women who take pictures with their friends

I mean, I want to free my hips. But this is too free.

Also, in re: yesterday's post: yes, I can see your thong through those leggings. Go away from me.

An OPen Letter to the Ladies from my Yoga Studio

This yoga studio, which is Bikram style, and therefore extremely hot, humid and sweaty, encourages some fairly naked fashion choices. That's cool, the beach is one of my favorite places. I don't mind being the girl dressed comparatively Amish-ly in my leggings and workout tank top. But seriously, no matter what you wear, please, please, please DON'T wear ridiculous pants that are so see-through that I can see your underpanties! Honestly! Two days in a row, I have been placed squarely behind the most see-through pants-wearing ladies, and it must stop. Mostly, it's funny, but in general, I am now begging you to employ futuristic exercise fashions that cover up your bum. This is for you, polkadot bikini girl.

Job Search

This will be the first of many complaints about my attempt to get a job.

This woman with whom I went to graduate school just got a position that I applied for as well. I am very happy for her; it's a great organization with a lot of wonderful programs.

I applied for this job, and a month later got a letter saying that I wasn't even qualified enough for an interview.

Ouch.

Deadlines

I think it is rude to give a deadline that is on a holiday. As if you are too ridiculously busy to check your schedule. Please.