You Know What Is Rude?

Only calling/texting/g-mail chatting me when you NEED something. And then, when I call you to say hi, or ask how your project is going that I did a huge favor for you about...you never call or email back.

It is like an advice/help Booty Call. I feel bad. And now, I don't want to help you anymore. Because you don't call me back.

Reciprocity, monsters!

Don't Panic

Ok. I know that a flu pandemic is serious business, but, for real. Do you know how big the US is? 50 cases is not the time to panic. Heck, 1,600 cases in Mexico is serious, but still. There are 111,211,789 people in Mexico, according to the internet. That means .001% have swine flu (if I did the math right, and since I didn't use excel, that could be dicey).

There is a time to panic. That time is not right now. Now is the time to make sure you wash your hands as appropriate and don't sneeze on doorknobs.

Just leave a message

If you call and I don't answer, leave a message or send a follow up text if I need to call you back. Don't assume that I'll see your missed call and just know to call back. Maybe you had a question someone else could answer. Maybe you required immediate attention. Whatever, no message, no call back. The end.

Internet Invitations

When I invite you to see me/my band/my theater show/my quilting bee....don't write comments when you decline my invitation about how you don't live in the city where I live, or aren't into theater shows. It is just rude. Just decline. If you want to send regrets for a real reason, or to say you will miss me or whatever, please do so. But don't send a rude RSVP, in any circumstance. It is way lame.
Peace!

Don't talk to me. Just...Don't.

I know I'm somewhat of an oddball, but here goes. Salespeople? Don't give me unsolicited advice. Say hi when I enter, fine. If you have to ask me if I need anything, fine. But when I say "no thanks", DON'T CONTINUE TO TALK TO ME.

Yes, I'm looking at you, perky trixies at the Benefit store. I mean, really? I'm looking for my favorite lipstick, I really don't want you to give me a coupon for eyebrow tinting. Nor do I want you to ask me if I've tried your new cheek glow (really? Do I look like someone who wears cheek glow? I'm barely competent with lipstick. If I look like someone who could use cheek glow, it's kind of insulting for you to say so unprompted. If you have to push product, feel free to offer me samples when I'm paying. Heck if you have to tell me about some sweet deal, I guess that's ok. I'll be annoyed, but I'll understand. But the rest of it drives me batty).

This happens everywhere these days. Retail folks are just a little more desperate and with that desperation comes this super excessive enthusiasm and desire to help that makes me want to scream. If I'm at the Gap, which I probably am, and I'm the only customer...well, pretty much the only way I'm leaving without buying anything is if the salesperson offers advice. Seriously? If I want your help I'll ask. I know how stores work. These days staff outnumber customers basically everywhere. It's super depressing, and I'm sorry, and it sucks, but still...don't talk to me.

Lately any time I try to shop in an actual store (as opposed to on the internet, as I am often tempted) I basically find myself either leaving the store or saying point blank "please just leave me alone. If I need help I'll tell you"...and then I feel awful, and like I have to apologize because after all she was just doing her job.

I'm considering making a t-shirt to wear whenever I'm running errands or shopping. It'll have some sort of really clear, and yet still polite, slogan. For example "Thanks for the offer to help but I'm much more likely to spend money if you leave me alone." That's a little long, I realize, I'm still working on the wording.

Your Hacking Cough

If you have a serious illness, stay home from work. As someone who often stays home from work because I am lazy, I often feel guilty about actually taking sick days. (Clinical Depression is technically an illness, right? What about my addiction to West Wing?) But there are times when you should stay home, for the public good.

One of those times is when you have a deep, chest rattling, horrible, phlegmy cough, and you decide to come to the quiet room of the library to study. Stay home.

Another of those times is when you decide to sneeze and sniffle away while waiting for takeout Chinese food. Order in.

Sick days exist for a reason: to not spread germs. Do me a favor, and keep yours at home.

No Such Thing

There is no such thing as vegan leather.

These bags are cute, but they are either vegan or leather, not both.